My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
