so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
