so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
