let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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