I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
