I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
