He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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