There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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