Got a toothbrush?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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