I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
