No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
