So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
