This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
