My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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