It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
