There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
