Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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