I wannas sexs uuuuu
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
