Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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