went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
