I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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