I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
