We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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