when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
