Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
