In America we eat man semen.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
