Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
