forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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