I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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