does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
