I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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