In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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