Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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