I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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