he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
