they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
