matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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