every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
