3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im holly from the hills drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
