My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
