So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
