worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
