Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
