we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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