i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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