is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
