Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think your dad took our porno
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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