The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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