I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
