I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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