Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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