I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
