I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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