Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm going to jail i love you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
